This year marks 25 years of youth ministry for me, as I began when I was 18 years old, teaching a Youth Sunday School class. There have been many changes in both society and Youth Group programs over those years. However, I believe that for those who work, or aspire to work with young people, there are some constants that transcend culture and time. So often we see youth staff come and go with alarming regularity due to burnout, frustration of scandal. I put forth my personal "to do", in hopes that it can assist others. Anybody who has worked with teens for any length of time knows these guidelines, but it is good once in a while to be reminded. You will see that missing from each of these twelve "rules" is a corresponding Bible verse, nevertheless the Scriptural application will be apparent. Tenets of this 12-Step program to youth ministry longevity are:
1. Know the culture, but not necessarily live it.
2. Never let your teens hear you reflect negatively on God.
3. Know and continue to study your Bible.
4. Attribute everything found in life to God's design.
5. Resist being "too" personal.
6. Avoid talking about your sacrifices.
7. Maintain a solid relationship with your spouse.
8. Let your concern reach beyond "spiritual" things.
9. Be able to laugh at yourself and be laughed at.
10. Don't substitute programs for personal time and research.
11. Don't be a rebel without a cause.
12. Make it your mission to mentor someone.
1. Know the culture but not necessarily live it.
When dealing with young people, it is important for you to be aware of changes in music, entertainment, and education and to even be well versed in the latest fashion trends. This will enable you to effectively evaluate how these changes may affect a kids lifestyle or thought patterns. However, it is often a mistake to try to emulate the styles in order to be "cool". Youth leaders must always be cognizant of their age, and resist the temptation to "be young" again. Trying to move outside of your own culture, can result in kids focusing more on your attempts at relating than on what you have to say. Let them laugh at your being old fashioned, it's not as funny as seeing an adult with their hat on backwards.
2. Never let your teens hear you reflect negatively on God.
As leaders, we are not immune to life's problems, although they are different than what our teens are experiencing. We have to develop the attitude of Job, who said; "though He slay me, still I will trust Him". Young people need to see that our opinions and feelings toward God are not reflective of our current circumstances. How can we expect them to either turn to, or trust in a God that will always elicit wavering emotions in us. "God is good, all the time" must be not only said, but shown in our conversations.
3. Know and continue to study your Bible.
Being a firm believer that everything that God wants us to know, is contained in the Words of Scripture, pushes me to continue the search. People read other books for information, instruction, inspiration and enjoyment and all of that is right at our fingertips in Holy Scripture. If you do not show a love and respect for the Book, I can almost guarantee that your Youth Group will not. Always have it with you at meeting and outings, so that at any time it can be used. "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth." II Tim. 2:15
4. Attribute everything found in life to God's design.
As the Creator, God is responsible for all things on this earth. Every event in life is an opportunity to bring Him into the equation, whether it be a movie, television show, song, news article or personal joy/tragedy. Try to take every chance to see that whatever is of interest to your kids at that moment, relates to their Christian experience. Show them they should not not categorize their lives into the "holy' and the "profane".
5. Resist being "too" personal.
It may be hard, but youth leaders or pastors are not intended to take the place of the natural family relationships that God has ordained. We are to assist in reconciling husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers. There is always the danger of becoming more than a "spiritual" help, when emotions are exposed and trust is transferred. It is also difficult to rightly evaluate situations when you become a kid's "best friend" instead of their "elder". We have all seen counseling situations go awry because proper distance was not maintained. On a practical level, young women should always counsel with female leaders and young men with male leaders. This is not sexism, only wise and prudent action.
6. Avoid talking about your sacrifices
Try not to remind your young people how much you are giving up for them by being their leaders. Don't talk about the places you could have been instead of with them. Our view towards our ministry should be as in Matthew chapter 6: "Be careful not to do your `acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you..
7. Maintain a solid relationship with your spouse.
For married people, this is of primary importance. Remember that you are "one flesh". If what you are doing with your "ministry" is tearing at that "flesh", you need to fix that first. The promise you made at the altar is not superseded by a commitment to the Youth Group. The Apostle Paul says it is preferable not to marry for the sake of ministry, but fully supports the marriage relationship if a person decides to marry. On a practical note, Malachi 2:15 states that: "In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring", so we portray marriage relationships that foster emulation, so that God's desire be fulfilled. Most teens are thinking in relationship terms, in fact sexual relationships are on their minds night and day. They will learn by example. Nobody is hoping or praying for an unhappy marriage. We need to show them examples of solid marital partnerships. My recommendation would be to curtail your involvement, if it is the source of tension and frustration at home. Destroying the relationship God first designed for the sake of building others seems opposed to spiritual reason.
8. Let your concern reach beyond "spiritual" things.
Always remember that Jesus fed the 5,000 when they were hungry. He knew that his message would not be as effective when the natural need of food was overwhelming. There are times when teens can not see anything else when some other problem is clouding their vision. Be prepared to use your years of experience in the secular world to ease their paths if you can. They may entail you helping them find a job, finding a tutor to help them with their school work, loaning them a couple bucks or helping them with the parental relationships.
9. Be able to laugh at yourself and be laughed at.
It is always good to not take yourself too seriously. Any sense of self-importance will hurt your ministry. Life is hard, and sometimes laughing at your foibles and situations is good medicine for you and those around you. Isn't there something comical about this statement by Paul: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.
10. Don't substitute programs for personal time and research.
In this age of instant information and the Internet, there's a temptation to take shortcuts and lift messages and devotionals from the computer. However, someone else's thoughts will be just that. Your kids are interested in what you know. They don't care about nor do they even know the other people, and when they have a problem, it is to you they are going to come. Let the Lord speak to you through His Word, using the other stuff to supplement your knowledge.
11. Don't be a rebel without a cause.
All young people like to believe that they are battling the establishment that doesn't understand their peculiar culture. It is important for you as a designated youth leader to be supportive of the place where you minister. This does not mean that you agree with everything that goes on at your particular place of worship. It only means that if there are issues, they need to be yours. Youth Group shouldn't be a forum for church policy disagreement. In the same manner, issues brought to by teens should remain their issues. We should not automatically hop on the bandwagon in a show of solidarity. Your position as a teacher puts you in unique place to effect change or reconciliation.
12. Make it your mission to mentor someone.
Try to leave some sort of legacy. Look around your Youth Group and discern those kids who have the "stuff" to make an impact on the next group coming along. You need to "disciple" new leaders to take your place. Nothing is better for the heart than seeing one of "your kids" leading, teaching or just raising Godly children.