'IN' WORDS FOR FATHERS

A Sermon by Dr. Neil Chadwick


Before we get into today's sermon, here are a couple of tidbits for Father's Day:

    A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding strained peas to his baby daughter. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant. When his wife came in, she looked at the infant, then at her husband and asked, "What in the world are you doing?" He replied, "I'm waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another."

    Question - Do fathers always snore?
    Answer - No, only when they're asleep!

    One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, "Daddy, you're the boss, aren't you?" Her Daddy was pleased, smiled, and said, "Yes." The little girl continued, "That's because Mommy put you in charge, right?"

More seriously, here are four "in" words that can help define fatherhood. They are: initiation, influence, involvement, and investment.

The first "in" word that defines fatherhood is IN-ITIATION.

Of course we're not talking here about some weird initiation rite such as would be connected with a club or fraternity. Rather, we're referring to the fact that new life for humans begins when a man starts things off by impregnating his wife; the father is the initiator of life.

This is the same with God. Our Bible opens with the words, "In the beginning, God created. . . ." (Genesis 1:1) He initiated life - that's why we call Him Father.

Of course we all know that with humans (as the saying goes), while it only takes a brief moment to become a father, it takes many, many years to fulfill the role of "dad." Yes, "a journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step," but then there must be a second step, and a third step, and a hundred and fiftieth step, and a four thousand twenty-third step - - - . After the first initiation, there must be more. Even God did not stop initiating at the end of Creation Week. He is still doing it today - He is still the initiator of the relationship - He calls, He invites, He draws, He woos. (Genesis 3:9)

In a similar way, human fathers need to do the same - we are leaders, not followers. If there is going to be a good relationship between a father and his children, it will be because the father initiates it.

Fathers are called upon to not only take the lead with regard to physical provision, but emotional and spiritual as well. So it's the father who initiates the conversations.

    Last week we learned that during a typical week, the average child watches more than 26 hours, or 1,582 minutes of TV, while talking with their parents only 38 minutes! After an extensive study of young people in grades six through twelve, author Peter L. Benson wrote, "Almost 20 percent of [these young people] have not had a good conversation lasting for at least 10 minutes with at least one of their parents in more than a month." ("The Troubled Journey: A Portrait of 6th-12th Grade Youth" - Minneapolis: Search Institute, 1993)

Here are simple pointers for fathers who seek to be initiators in their children's lives:

    Talk to your kids about your feelings - and theirs.
    Comfort your kids when they are hurt, discouraged, or sad.
    Help your children with the homework, chores, and hobbies.
    Play with your kids.
    Go to school activities and take an active part in your children's education.
    Teach your kids to solve problems.
    Ask them questions and discuss issues related to their relationship with God.

The second "in" word that defines fatherhood is IN-FLUENCE.

Whether or not we want to admit it, one of the strongest drives in all of us is the desire to please our fathers. For many people, even after they're gone, fathers still exert this influence - we condition our behavior according to what we assume our fathers would think of us. This places an immense amount of responsibility on the shoulders of fathers, to ensure that the influence is good and godly. I believe that this need to please our earthly fathers reflects a larger truth - we deeply long for the approval of our heavenly father.

    Do you remember what the prodigal son said when he finally returned home? He humbly proclaimed, "I have sinned against heaven and against you." (Luke 15:18,21) He had come to realize that what he was doing was not pleasing to his heavenly father, and he wanted to make it right.

One of the best things we as fathers can do for our children is to put much less energy in finding fault with our children, but instead, expend more energy in letting them know of our approval. Yes, there are times when there must be correction and discipline, but let it be within the larger context of affirmation.

When it comes to influencing our children concerning spiritual matters and life instruction, we must not relegate this all important responsibility. That's why Paul said, "fathers, you bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)

But, you say, how can this be done when they don't even listen to me? Someone has pointed out that in years gone by, fathers and sons could have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream. Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE. . ."

    By the way, that's not the only father/child difference between now and a hundred years ago. For example, during an earlier time, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English!

However, in the minds of many fathers, one thing hasn't changed much: A hundred years ago, fathers were never truly appreciated. Today, fathers still feel they are never truly appreciated. We may joke about it, but it's true that many fathers feel like Roger Daingerfield; "I get no respect," they say. Like when your teenager knocks on your bedroom door first thing in the morning and says, "Today is 'Nerd Day' at school, Dad. Can I borrow some of your clothes?"

However, we all understand that the best influence we can have with our children is that of a good example. For years the sad words of the song by Harry Chapin keeps coming back to mind:

My child arrived just the other day, came into the world in the usual way,
But there were planes to catch, bills to pay, he learned to walk while I was away.
He was talking before I knew it, and as he grew, he said,

"I'm going to be like you, Dad, you know I'm gonna be like you."

Son turned ten just the other day, he said, "Thanks for the ball Dad come on lets play,
Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today, I've got a lot to do."
He said, "That’s OK" and he walked away smiling ever bit that said,
"I'm going to be like him, yea, you know I'm gonna be like him."

Came home from college just the other day, so much like a man that I had to say,
"Son I'm proud of you, will you sit for a while?" He shook his head and he said with a smile,
"What I really want Dad is to borrow the car keys, see you later, can I have them please?"

I have long since retired, now our son's moved away, I called him up just the other day,
I said, "I'd like to see you, if you don't mind." "He said I'd love to Dad if I could find the time.
You see my new job's a hassle, and the kids got the flu,
But it's sure nice talking to you Dad, it's sure nice talking to you."
As I hung up the phone it occurred to me, my boy was just like me, he'd grown up just like me.

And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man on the moon,
"When you coming home, I don't know when, we'll get together then, Son,
You know we'll have a good time then."

(Cat's In The Cradle by Harry Chapin)

The third "in" word that defines fatherhood is "IN-VOLVEMENT"

There's a simple but powerful idea wrapped up in a familiar word found many times throughout the Bible, the word "visit."

We see it early when the sons of Jacob and all their families were living in Egypt. It was at the end of Joseph's life when he said, ". . . I die and God will surely visit you, and bring you out of this land unto the land which he sware to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob." (Genesis 50:24) The correct understanding of this word is brought out by the NIV translation which reads, "God will surely come to your aid and take you up out of this land to the land he promised."

You see, the word "visit" means much more than a social chat on the porch during a warm summer evening. It has to do with God's ready involvement in our lives - He is there to help us out.

Beleaguered Job understood this also when he wrote: "Thou hast granted me life and favor, and thy visitation hath preserved my spirit." (Job 10:12) Here, the "visit" of God implies His protection. In the NIV it reads this way, "You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit."

The idea is repeated again at the beginning of the New Testament story of the coming of the Messiah, "Through the tender mercy of our God; whereby the dayspring from on high hath visited us." (Luke 1:78) And we know that this "visit" brought salvation into the world.

But what does this have to do with fathers in relationship to their children? Involvement means that they "look in upon them to help." They are constantly checking on their children, not just with the intent on discovering what's not being done right, but to know them well in order to encourage and help them according to their gifts and abilities. (And yes, among other things, it's o.k. to know what's in your child's room. I know, they think they have a constitutionally guaranteed "right to privacy," but it's not true.)

This involvement doesn't apply just to sports, but school work, and the things they do to establish their relationship with God, like having a time of reading the Bible and praying. It also can mean that the father includes his children in what they enjoy doing.

Actually, one of the relatively new and welcomed movements within American society is the increased involvement fathers are having with their children, even their very young. We think it is a very good idea that fathers become involved from the earliest days in their children's lives, not just providing the money for food and shelter. Here's a story about one dad who was at least trying, but evidently still had much to learn.

    One day, shortly after the birth of their first baby, his mother had to go out to do some errands, so the proud father stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of, but the baby just wouldn't stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor.

    After the doctor listened to all the father had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. When he opened the diaper, he found it was indeed full. "Here's the problem," the doctor explained. "He just needs to be changed."

    The perplexed father remarked, "I don't understand - the diaper package specifically says it's good for up to 10 pounds!"

The fourth "in" word that defines fatherhood is "IN-VESTMENT."

This week we learned of Brad Duke, a 33-year-old Idaho man who learned that he had won a mammoth lottery worth $220.3 million. Because he chose to take a one-time lump sum payment of $125.3, after taxes he will receive about $85 million. When interviewed, he claimed that he had already put together a team of financial experts to help him leverage this upward to a billion dollars. Why? "So that I can set up my family." What amazed (perhaps amused) me was that he is going to carefully invest most of his winnings for the benefit of his family, but he is not even married and has no children!

However, when we're talking about fathers and investments, we're not talking about money. Primarily we're talking about the investment of our one and only non-renewable resource, time. It all comes down to this. Little of what we've been talking about will happen unless there is this. Ongoing initiation, influence, and involvement all require the investment of time.

One of the tragedies of our day is that we have bought into the lie that says "time is money." Whatever you do, if the time spent can somehow be "taken to the bank," then it's worth doing. However, when it comes to our children, investment is more like planting good seed. There are no immediate results from planting seeds - the harvest will not come for a long time, and even then, it is not guaranteed. Drought, storms, or foul play may ruin the crop, but this is for sure, if there is no planting, there certainly will be no harvest. Fathers invest a large quantity of quality time with their children, believing that this investment will yield a harvest of security, wisdom, and the ability to have good relationships with others and with God.

In closing, here's a "Top Ten" list of things you'll never hear a dad say:

    10. Well, how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

    9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

    8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that.

    7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. Have fun!

    6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Chess isn't good enough for you, son?

    5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.

    4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Just have it towed to a mechanic and I'll pay whatever he asks.

    3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring! Now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

    2. What did you wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

    1. It's OK if you want to stay home from church and Sunday School - I'm sure you can get close to God staying home and playing video games.

Discussion Questions
"IN" WORDS FOR FATHERS

1. In what ways is God, as Father, the initiator?

2. What are some of the ways a human father may be an initiator beyond the initiation of life?

3. What kinds of conversations should fathers seek to have with their children?

4. What inborn desire is present in us all regarding our own fathers, and how does this apply to our relationship with the Heavenly Father?

5. What is the main thing fathers can do to make it more likely that children will receive correction?

6. Other than by words, how can fathers best influence their children?

7. What is a more complete meaning of the word "visit" as used of God in the Bible?

8. Why do we say that it's permissible (even advisable) for a parent to know what is in their child's room?

9. Today's fathers are better informed and more involved in the care of their children than previous generations. Why is this good for families and children?

10. What is our one "non-renewable" resource, and how does it relate to a father's ongoing initiation, influence, and involvement?

11. How is investing in children much like a farmer planting his field?

12. A farmer's crop may be ruined by drought, storms, or foul play. What are some parallels in family life?

13. What are some valid reasons a father may permit his children to be absent from church?

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