Though the setting is much different, an ecclesiastically twisted Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears may be seen in the first resignations experienced in a new setting. Unlike the fairy tale, congregational responses are not to the temperature of the porridge. The responses relate to the new pastor and changed ministry style. Like the fairy tale, however, there are three basic responses to the ministry style of the new pastor.

The Pastor's Too Hot:

In this case the pastor appears to the resignee-to-be to be aggressive, controlling and manipulative. Interestingly, those who will most quickly call the ministry 'too hot' are those whose leadership styles and aspirations are at least as 'hot' as that of the new pastor. Those who resign because they feel the pastor is 'too hot' are those who feel pushed aside, unappreciated, powerless and frustrated that they will no longer be in the 'hot' seat of control.

The Pastor's Too Cold:

The 'too cold' barometer generally refers to being too passive. Passivity may include things such as being in the office too much, not being out with the people, not energetic enough, etc. Those who resign because they think the pastor is 'too cold' are generally frustrated that the work of the church will not move forward, that nothing new will happen, and that organizational drift or decline will continue unabated.

The Pastor's Just Right:

Fortunately, in healthy churches many will feel the pastor is 'just right.' Yet when a new pastor comes on the block, members will be testing the porridge to test the pastor's perceived leadership style, and their own response. Some will respond positively because of deep levels of churchmanship, patience, faith and vision. Others will often respond with 'false positives.' In this group includes those who may resign abruptly or predictably, quietly or loudly.

THE REALIGNMENT

The realignment of leadership is an expected, unavoidable and necessary part of leadership. Often this realignment happens over-against the new leadership of the pastor. Thus one can pretty much predict that realignment will occur within the first twelve to eighteen months of a pastorate.

The realignment also may occur at the beginning of different chapters of ministry in the same congregation, at the beginning, during or after major ministry initiatives (e.g., building programs, relocations, changes in staff) or, among other times, at times of financial stress.

A SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE

This realignment can also be considered a natural dynamic of human systems. Family Systems Theory (cf. Bowen, Friedman et al.) notes how organizations seek equilibrium. One of the ways this equilibrium is maintained is by maintaining stable hierarchy of enduring roles in the system. When the new pastor enters the system, the hierarchy is disrupted and roles are challenged until the new 'pecking order' or hierarchy is established.

What To Expect

When realignment occurs, certain things can be expected to occur.

1) Some leaders, including very prominent leaders will resign their leadership position. Some of these will also leave the church

2) Expect varied responses from those who leave. Some people leave the church relatively peacefully. Others leave by starting a schismatic rebellion against the pastor. Systems Theory would suggest that the path chosen will be most strongly influenced by past episodes. For this reason, it's a good idea to study the history and patterns of congregational responses to anxiety.

3) Expect varied response from those who remain. Realignments are often the most significant test of congregational responses to anxiety. One can expect some stress-induced personality changes as well as permanent or temporary disruption of key supportive relationships.

Expect a negative letter from the ones who are most hurt. Those who leave, or threaten to do so, resign for several reasons. These are often printed in a letter.

In the letter they may indicate they feel slighted or unappreciated. Often, to justify their leaving, they need to magnify the pastor's weaknesses in order to minimize their own immaturity and selfishness. The most frequent issues mentioned often are intended to be character attacks. The meaner they are, the more irrationally exaggerated these attacks will be.

Frequently these attacks center on issues such as

1) The pastor is manipulative.

2) The pastor is disrespectful to others in his dress, words, deeds and general mistreatment of parishioners.

3) The pastor is unable to get along with other staff members and key leaders.

4) The pastor does not communicate in a manner that the resignee considers appropriate.

5) In congregations with parsonages, accusations will also focus on the accusation of neglectful maintenance or outright abuse of the parsonage.

As they inform others of the situation, they will desire that the congregation rise up in a unanimous referendum to defend them and uphold their position. Should they achieve this congregational referendum, the resignee will have won a major victory at the pastor's expense. Such situations, however, are relatively rare. Healthy people able to recognize anxious narcissistic behavior can recognize the power play for what it is. Others, healthy or no, simply distance themselves from the situation. They just don't want more anxiety in their lives.

As for the attacks, the resignee's purpose is simple: to have the pastor feel greater pain and loss than what the resignee feels. As they project their hurt feelings onto others, leaders who are vulnerable to absorbing the resignee's anxious feelings may often share the same hurt and anger as the resignee. Such feelings may include hurt, frustration, powerlessness, betrayal, bitterness, distrust and anger. Left untended, the anxiety may escalate into revenge and hurtful desires.

What To Do

One of the key tenets of systems theory is that it's not what you do that is so important. It's who you are and how you conduct yourself. Edwin Friedman, after studying the most effective leaders, found they shared one common characteristic. They were self-differentiated.

This means they had a sufficient sense of self that recognized their boundaries. They knew where their personal boundaries were. They knew where their personal boundaries ended and where other's began. And, most importantly, they were able to keep them defined. As well-differentiated leaders are able to know where I end and you begin, they have a sense of self.

This healthy sense of self is affirmed by Janet G. Woititz's basic tenet is that healthy people engage in healthy relationships which affirm "I can be me, you can be you, and we can be us."

Often a key problem with the resignee is that they cannot allow others to have a sense of self. Not able to affirm other's individuality, they are also often unable to work in healthy, interactive team settings in which democracy - not autocracy - is operative.

Unable to differentiate themselves from others and their responsibilities, they become enmeshed into everything they wish to become involved in and influence. The more anxious they become, the more enmeshed they become with those elements in the church in which they choose to become involved. As the anxiety increases, the enmeshment escalates. The resulting behaviors may appear irrational. But, strangely enough, they often fit specific anxious behavioral patterns. One of those patterns is that of alcoholism.

The 'Pastor's' Issue

It is not only the resignee's key task to develop a healthy sense of self. The pastor's pain and others that are affected must also work on a healthy sense of self. Often the highly anxious feelings of betrayal, worthlessness, depression, confusion and "What will I do now? I can't go on!" are nothing more than a key symptom of the loss of self in anxiety.

From a systems perspective the 'cure,' then, is to strengthen the self. The pastor and congregational must learn how, even in anxious times, to "stay the course, stay calm, and stay connected."

A Time of Opportunity

Perhaps the most important thing to remember when resignations occur is that, as sad as such resignations may be, the resignations are times of opportunity.

The resignations and their aftermath provide opportunity

1) to examine one's own personal anxiety-management strategies. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Are you able to maintain yourself and your goals while remaining healthily connected with others? even the anxious ones?

2) to assess how the congregation and its leaders manage anxiety. The pattern of dealing with the anxiety will provide remarkable insights into how the congregational system responds to anxiety. Will they become schismatic? Will they ignore it? Will they attack or support the pastor?

3) to distinguish between self-differentiated and non-differentiated leaders. A key task of systems leadership is to have non-anxious, self-differentiated leaders influence the system.

Identifying and cultivating self-differentiated leadership in the church and coaching the anxious to "stay calm, stay the course, and stay connected" will be the most important thing the leader can do to stabilize and strengthen the congregation. As the resignation 'plays out' in the congregation, keep them, and yourself, focused on their vision, ministry values and goals. Keep them, and yourself, calm, on course and connected to each other, and God, in prayer.

Take Advantage of the Opportunity

Often those who resign have over-functioned to balance a passive, under-functioning congregation. Their resignation, then, brings to the forefront some basic issues in the congregation relating to stewardship, discipleship and commitment. In addition to equipping people in self-differentiation, make use of the opportunity created by the resignation to draw people together to begin processes resulting in increased individual commitment by members.

A note of caution. Introducing self-differentiation in the wake of conflict is something that, in most cases, should not be done by the pastor. Being in the 'middle' of the conflict, the pastor's leading of self-differentiation may appear self-serving. Having an outside consultant begin the process is often the most effective way to begin introducing healthy self-differentiation and anxiety management.

Who's King of the Hill?

Those beginning ministry in a new pastorate must recognize that their presence on the 'hill' causes anxiety especially among prominent new leaders and the longer-term leaders as well. Those with the most at stake in terms of their personal influence will likely be those who express the greatest anxiety. Those who avoid or refuse to communicate will be those most likely to become frustrated and be candidates for resignation.

Regardless of the outcome of the resignation, the answer to the question "Who's the King of the Hill?" is always Jesus. His Lordship is best demonstrated by an unfailing appeal to Scriptures, having a passionate vision based on God's Word, and a ministry program driven by the congregation's own unique ministry values.

The sooner these processes are implemented in a congregation, the greater the opportunities for the King of Kings to be King of the Hill in your congregation. When He's King, we can all submit to him and join the world in expectation of the time when "at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." (Philippians 2:11 NIV).

Why wait until the end of the world? Bow your knee before Jesus now. Begin today to lead your congregation to a Christ-driven, Christ-only-is-the-King-around-here ministry today.