TOTAL QUALITY MARRIAGE - A Workshop for Couples                   

by Neil Chadwick

Introduction: Those who take time to work on their marriages are people who demonstrate that they care for themselves, their spouse, their family, and their society. The goal of this "Workshop for Couples" is to strengthen the institution of marriage, and to strengthen the marriage of each couple. This is similar to fire prevention - it's best to have smoke alarms and extinguishers in place - before the fire breaks out. No one can do this for another married couple. Everyone must do it for themselves. If the marriage is strong, it is not only to the wife's credit, it is not only to the husband's credit; it is to their credit together. If the marriage is not strong, it is not only the wife's fault, it is not only the husband's fault; it is their fault together. All that any teaching on this subject can do is to inform, encourage, challenge, give hints that may be helpful, and lead each couple to the One who has all wisdom. This teaching is called a "Workshop" because the success is directly related to each couple's willingness to work, and use the tools that are given. A couple of years ago, this article appeared in "U.S News and World Report": Save a Marriage - Save a Child - Save a Family - Save a Nation "More than virtually any other factor, a biological father's presence in the family will determine a child's success and happiness. The children of divorce and those born outside marriage struggle through life at a measurable disadvantage, according to a growing chorus of social thinkers. "An astonishing 38 percent of all kids now live without their biological fathers - up from just 17.5 percent in 1960. More than half of today's children will spend at least part of childhood without a father. "The revised thinking is that it's the breakdown of families that feeds social ills. Fatherlessness is the most destructive trend of our generation. The absence of fathers is linked to most social nightmares - from boys with guns to girls with babies. No welfare reform plan can cut poverty as thoroughly as a two-parent family. "Some 46 percent of families with children headed by single mothers live below the poverty line, compared with 8 percent of those with two parents. "Raising marriage rates will do far more to fight crime than building prisons or putting more cops on the streets. "Divorce can increase an adult's happiness, but it is devastating to a child. One third report moderate or severe depression five years after a divorce. The hurt may remain hidden for years. They often grow up wary of love, marriage and family, and over a third have little or no ambition 10 years after their parents part. "Being a loving father and a good husband is the best part of being a man. "Vice President Al Gore made this statement - 'It is true that there are a lot of marriages on the margin where the kids are much better off if the parents tough it out and make a go of it.'" Better than "toughing it out", let's do all we can to learn how to do it right - marriage is a skill-based endeavor. "By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches." Proverbs 24:3-4 "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain." Psalm 127:1 "Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed--not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence--continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." Philippians 2:12, 13 - God works, and we work - success in marriage is a partnership endeavor. What is TQM? - TOTAL QUALITY MARRIAGE In business, TQM (Total Quality Management) has to do with attention to process, commitment to the customer, involvement of employees, and benchmarking of best practices. According to this article, "TQM: More Than a Dying Fad?", Fortune, Oct 18, 1993, by Rahul Jacob: "There are five TQM rules to live by, which usually determine the success of any total quality effort." FIVE KEYS TO MAKING TOTAL QUALITY WORK In Business -- The CEO must be visibly behind it. Speeches alone won't do. In Marriage -- Is the spiritual leader (husband) willing to take responsibility for the development of the marriage? In Business -- Avoid tunnel vision. Ask what change does for customers. In Marriage -- Marriage is not for selfish purposes. How will the improvement in our marriage benefit others: children, extended family, church, society? In Business -- Limit yourself to a few critical goals. You can't solve two dozen. In Marriage -- Vision oriented, not problem centered. If ours was a good marriage, what would it look like? What is the Bible's pattern? In Business -- Link changes to a clear financial payback -- and expect it soon. In Marriage -- How will we know if the efforts we put into our marriage are working? How can it be measured? In Business -- Don't adopt a quality program off-the-shelf. You're unique. In Marriage -- After prayer and receiving counsel, what steps will we determine to take? Total Quality Marriage then, means that a couple is willing to look at all marriage components, and be committed to improve in every area. Husbands and wives will work together, each taking responsibly for themselves, and the development of their relationship with the other. There are a number of worthy comparisons with business. In a restaurant there not only must be good food, but care must also be given to customer service, cleanliness, location, advertising, good credit with vendors and community relations. In sports, team members need to know how to do many things well. Take baseball for an example: players need to be able to hit, run, catch throw, cooperate with other team members and be responsive to the coach. For it to be a winning team, all of these ingredients, and more besides, need to be developed. In gymnastics, participants learn a great number of skills for floor exercises, trampoline, bars, balance beam, rings, etc., as well as constantly give attention to developing strength, coordination and balance. So also in marriage, all components need to be evaluated and improved upon. This becomes all the more important as our society changes, and due to the fact that partners come from increasingly varied backgrounds. As in other areas of human endeavor, there is a need for training. It must not be assumed that two people have come to marriage with similar understanding and training. As people move from an agricultural based culture, the rules change drastically. Before looking at the five main components of marriage, it is wise to establish a commitment between husbands and wives: OUR AGREEMENT Husband - Wife 1. ______/______ We enrolled in TQM because we want what is best for our marriage; we will both participate. 2. ______/______ We agree that there are no easy answers, no simple solutions; improving our marriage relationship will require dedicated effort. 3. ______/______ We are committed to improve the quality of our marriage. 4. ______/______ We are willing to spend time talking together concerning topics presented in this workshop. 5. ______/______ We believe God can help us develop a healthy marriage. 6. ______/______ We understand that the well being of our family, our church, and even our country will be affected by the quality of our marriage. 7. ______/______ We believe that if we follow them, principles taught in the Bible will help us in our marriage. 8. ______/______ If difficult relationship problems arise, we will seek competent, godly counsel. ___________________________ ____________________________ Husband sign . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wife sign Five Components of a Total Quality Marriage 1. COMPANIONSHIP 2. COMMUNICATION 3. COMMITMENT 4. COMBAT 5. COMPASSION SESSION 1 - LET'S TALK ABOUT OUR COMPANIONSHIP True-False Companionship Statements for the Husband True-False Companionship Statements for the Wife T.Q.M. COMPANIONSHIP NOTES GOD'S WORD The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18 The word in the King James Version (KJV), "meet", means "helper suitable". It comes from the idea "to surround", i.e. "with support, exhortation and comfort". Notice, it is not "mate", as on board ship there will be a "captain and mate". God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27 In the image of God, human beings were created both male and female, suggesting that both were created in God's image, not one less so than the other. In marriage, each one assists the other to reach complete fulfillment. Married couples bear complimentary roles, together they bring about completeness, "male and female created he them". For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will be one flesh. Genesis 2:24 This statement is made at least four times in Scripture, being repeated by Jesus Himself in Matthew 19:4. "Cleaving" brings to mind the analogy of papers being glued together. Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! If two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? Amos 3:3 Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:38 Giving and receiving is not a 50/50 arrangement, but each giving his or her best, sometimes it comes out 80/20, or 60/40, or perhaps 30/70. A Definition of Marriage "Marriage is partnership. Two uniquely gifted, caring people working together toward goals which they both declare to be important. Marriage is a safe and encouraging environment where partners share blessings, as well as trials and burdens. Partners do not work separately, nor to they pull in different directions. They combine their strength to pull the load together." Friends were visiting our home on the morning of a North Dakota winter. By the time brunch was over, a fresh foot of snow had fallen, and Jim, not being able to see where the drive ended and the ditch began, got his car stuck. After digging under the wheels, I pushed from behind as Jim sat behind the steering wheel. Both of us working together, and cooperating with the power of the car's engine, were able to get the vehicle out of the ditch. The idea of cooperation brings to mind a story about elephants working together pushing wagons around the yard. The trainer noticed that one was getting more and more skinny, while the other was becoming quite plump. Observing closely, he discovered that the plump elephant wasn't doing any work at all, it would move to within one inch of the wagon, but did not push - the other elephant was doing it all, and therefore becoming worn out. A good marriage is where both partners are giving full effort. In a study of 351 marriages which had lasted a minimum of 15 years, both husbands and wives consistently listed these seven statements in the identical order, with #1 being the most important: 1. My spouse is my best friend. 2. I like my spouse as a person. 3. Marriage is a long-term commitment. 4. Marriage is sacred. 5. We agree on aims and goals. 6. My spouse has grown more interesting. 7. I want the relationship to succeed. Another interesting study concerning mate selection criteria among college students has been made several times over the years. When the study was conducted in 1939, 1956 and 1967, the universal choice for the top two desirable characteristics in a potential marriage partner were "Dependable Character", and "Emotional Stability". By the year 1990, the #1 spot was "Mutual Attraction", with men placing more emphasis on physical attractiveness, and women being more concerned with Financial Prospects" and "Ambition." Marriage is an exchange of everything which was previously held separately, this idea even extending to bodies - "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife." I Corinthians 7:4. It also includes goods and wealth (or bills), strengths, and relationships. "Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." I Corinthians 11:3. However, it's important to note that even though God is the "head", Christ is also considered to be equal with God. Our understanding is that the meaning of the word "head" in this context is that of the "head" of the river, or the "source". God is the source of Christ - in theological language, the "Son proceeds from the Father". In the same way, Christ is the "source", or provider for His church, and so the husband is the provider, or "head" for his wife. There are many problems which can severely damage the "companionship" that marriage is to provide. Here is a list of six. PROBLEMS WITH PARTNERSHIPS 1. Apparent mismatch. This could be represented by cultural, social, recreational, spiritual, or even sexual differences. 2. Different interests. Each spouse can tolerate participating in what the other prefers, as long as this is not the only time they spend together, and if both partners are willing to do the same. 3. Time scarcity and schedule conflicts. It's important to share conversation about what is important, and to agree on priorities. 4. Outside friendships. Men need friendships with men, women with women; each needs one or more good personal friends. In addition, as a couple they should seek to cultivate "couple" friends. 5. Family. Sometimes children create difficulties for couples. Some one has said, "The best thing you can give to your children is your healthy marriage." When it comes to parents of the adult married couple, always keep in mind that "leaving mother and father" must precede the "cleaving" to one's spouse. 6. Entertainment. Many movies and TV shows are harmful to marriages, and often they are little more than "time thieves". When watching a program, movie or video together, discuss it afterwards. If there are no ideas to discuss, then stop watching those programs or kinds of movies. PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS FOR T.Q.M. COMPANIONSHIP - "JUST DO IT" 1. Discover, make a list, and share what you perceive to be your spouse's gifts, strengths, special abilities, interests, values. What is it that attracted you to him or her in the first place? What have you seen develop since marriage? 2. Create a list of talents, abilities, and distinguishing features. Honor the differences. Understand what brings about special happiness and joy, fear and anxiety, creativity and fulfillment for the other person. 3. Each Sunday (or other agreed upon day), take a moment to look at a calendar of the coming week. During which segments of time will you be doing something together, just the two of you? Mark it, and be faithful to it. 4. Continue dating. SESSION 2 - LET'S TALK ABOUT OUR COMMUNICATION True-False Communication Statements for the Husband True-False Communication Statements for the Wife T.Q.M. COMMUNICATION NOTES GOD'S WORD Speaking the truth in love. Ephesians 4:15 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:25 Full self disclosure is necessary in marriage. Communication is what makes it possible for your mate to know you. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything I learned from my Father I have made known to you. John 15:15 There are to be no secrets in marriage. Communication, as a unique human endowment, has four main functions: 1. Pass on knowledge - animals do not have this capacity. 2. Clarify - help the other person understand what's happening. 3. Share feelings - express how we feel about what is happening. 4. Evaluate - reflect on what has happened. Good communication doesn't merely report "What happened?", but also, "How did you feel?" and "What's important?" There are Four Kinds of Communication 1. Verbal - using words. 2. Emotional - sharing feelings. 3. Physical - body language. 4. Spiritual - communicating through prayer and spiritual gifts. All of these four types of communication are important, and all must give out the same message - this is the meaning of integrity. Steven Covey, author of "Seven Habits of Highly Successful People" stresses this point, The goal of communication is: "Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood" LEARN TO LISTEN There are basically two kinds of listening as noted in the story of the "Sower and the Seed" (Matthew 13 and Luke 8) First, there is "Barren Listening", which is represented by the three types of poor soil: 1. Pathway Listening. With this type of soil, the birds snatch the seed away, they never penetrate. This represents the practice of ignoring what is said. Little effort is made to understand, there is a lack of trust, or one is too busy to bother. 2. Rocky Soil Listening. The seed begins to germinate, but no roots develop. This is "selective" listening, autobiographical listening (quickly shifting from what is heard to one's own story), thoughtless assent, or only pretending to be listening. 3. Thorny Soil Listening. The sprouts are choked out. This represents the habit of analyzing, evaluating and trying to give advice. It sometimes involves probing or accusatory questions, preparing a reply even while the other is still trying to express themselves. On the other hand there is "Productive Listening", which is represented when the crop yields 30 fold, 60 fold, or 100 fold. Luke tells us this is noted in those who hear, retain, and persevere. 1. Reflective listening is when there is a kind of "instant re-play" of what has been heard, checking for accuracy and understanding. This kind of listening is symbolized by the ear. 2. Attentive listening involves a concentrated focus, and is symbolized by the eye. 3. Caring listening can be termed "empathic" listening, or listening with feeling; symbolized by the heart. These two main types of listening can be summarized by this chart called "THE PROGRESS OF COMMUNICATION" - moving from hostility to understanding. Barren Listening Productive Listening HOSTILITY - - - - - - - - - TOLERANCE - - - - - - UNDERSTANDING angry words - - - - - - - - silence - - - - - - - - - - - - listening terror - - - - - - - - - - - - isolation - - - - - - - - - - - - sharing scowls - - - - - - - - - - - blank stare - - - - - - - - - - - smiling hitting - - - - - - - - - - - avoidance - - - - - - - - - tender touch When dealing with communication, we learn that there are many possible hindrances. We'll note 6. 1. Perceptions. Looking at the same picture, some see a young girl, others see an older woman. 2. Assumptions. This happens when one person thinks they already know what the other thinks, or what they understand even before being told. 3. Distractions. This refers to inner unresolved emotional problems. 4. Interruptions. Have to do either with external occurrences brought about by children, the telephone, etc., or personal management issues such as busyness, and the inability to properly schedule one's time. 5. Projections. This takes place when one is busy formulating an answer instead of carefully listening to the other person. 6. Rejections. This is the fear of being rejected or ignored, believing "it won't make any difference so why make the effort", or explicit or perceived "put downs". PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS FOR T.Q.M. COMMUNICATION - "JUST DO IT" Take turns talking. Seek to avoid the words "never" and "always". Replace "You" sentences with "I feel" remarks. Decide to not read or watch TV while talking. Use questions to seek for information. Engage your ears, eyes, and heart. At times, decide to put thoughts into writing first, and have it checked by a trusted friend or counselor. SESSION 3 - LET'S TALK ABOUT OUR COMMITMENT True-False Commitment Statements for the Husband True-False Commitment Statements for the Wife T.Q.M. COMMITMENT NOTES GOD'S WORD What God has joined together, let man not separate. Mark 10:9; Matthew 19:6 When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. Ecclesiastes 5:4,5 The wayward wife . . . has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God. Proverbs 2:17 The Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Malachi 2:14 A wife must not separate from her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. I Corinthians 7: 10,11 Drink from your own well, my son - be faithful and true to your wife. Why should you beget children with women of the street? Why share your children with those outside your home? Let your manhood be a blessing; rejoice in the wife of your youth. Let her charms and tender embrace satisfy you. Let her love alone fill you with delight. Proverbs 5:15-20 (LB) A Warning against adultery is given in Proverbs 6:27-32 - Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished. Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he is starving. Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold, though it costs him all the wealth of his house. But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself. I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me. I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this land with all my heart and soul. Jeremiah 32:38-41 Efforts should be made to model the marriage covenant after God's covenant: I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:8 LOVE IS CHOICE Among the majority population of the world, parents still are responsible for choosing a man's wife for him. In these cases, romance is not the reason for love, but the couple chooses to love. Faithfulness provides a context for sharing. When in the wedding vow the statement is made, "I pledge thee my troth", the idea is from "betrothal", which signifies a life-time commitment. LOVE IS TRUST A wife of noble character . . . her husband has full confidence in her . . . she brings him good. Proverbs 31:10-12 A man reaps what he sows. Galatians 6:7-9 If kind words, attitudes and actions are the seeds sown, the same will be reaped. It's like establishing a "Trust Account", and making regular deposits in your partner's trust account. The deposits are courtesy, kindness, honesty, keeping promises - when these are made, the trust goes up. Withdrawals are represented by ignoring the other person, discourtesy, disrespect, cutting off, overreacting, being arbitrary, betraying trust, threatening, domineering; all of which result in the trust going down. PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS FOR T.Q.M. COMMITMENT - "JUST DO IT" Make a big deal over anniversaries - a Celebration of Commitment. Post wedding pictures and invitation. Develop friendships with older successful couples. Always keep promises. Practice courtesy - don't every stop using words like "please" and "thank you". Never allow the words "separation" or "divorce" be spoken. Guard against Complacency. Remember God's attitude as noted in Revelation 3:16 - "Because you are lukewarm, I am about to spit you out of my mouth." SESSION 4 - LET'S TALK ABOUT OUR COMBAT True-False Combat Statements for the Husband True-False Combat Statements for the Wife T.Q.M. COMBAT NOTES Although it may seem to be a rather strong term, we're using the word "Combat" in order to express the intensity of marriage arguments, debates and fights. GOD'S WORD Those who marry will face many troubles in this life. I Corinthians 7:28 Let us make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Romans 14:19 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. James 3:16 It is an honor for a man to cease from strife and keep aloof from it. Proverbs 20:3a In your anger do not sin: do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26,27 THE GOAL IS TO "AGREE TO DISAGREE AGREEABLY" If there is to be fighting, make sure it is fair and clean. Differences are not to be deplored, but celebrated. After all, the very basis of marriage is that two different persons, one male and one female are joined together. Though they become one, they maintain their individual differences. WHAT IS IT THAT USUALLY TRIGGERS CONFLICT? 1. Money Management - in our culture, money represents power and freedom. 2. Family Issues - each partner brings to the marriage the patterns learned in their own family of origin. Sometimes difficult issues are related to in-laws, at other times, children. 3. Sexual Satisfaction - women often complain that their husbands only show them affection when in bed, but on the other hand they sometimes use sex to manipulate their husbands. 4. Participation in Religion RULES FOR COMBAT 1. Establish Shared Goals - What do we want our marriage to look like? 2. Affirm Your Relationship - What does this person mean to me? Use endearing titles, and hand holding even when arguing. 3. Clarify the issue- What is the problem? 4. Understand - What is the other's point of view 5. Determine to Help - What can I do/say to build up my spouse? Edification is always the goal of the Christian, each spouse seeking to help the other feel better about him/herself. Usually weak people fight, strong people don't need to. And don't neglect to pray for wisdom in resolving differences. 6. Utilize Good Communication - What is really being said? 7. Examine Assumptions - What are the hidden expectations? 8. Develop Alternatives - What are some possible options? 9. Practice - What are we doing to improve our ability to disagree agreeably? What are we not doing well? PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS FOR T.Q.M. COMBAT - "JUST DO IT" Hold hands during discussions. Timing - don't air disagreements when tired or angry. Avoid judging motives. Vow not to use Character Attacks or Name Calling. Pick your battles carefully; not every issue carries the same value. Learn to manage your anger. Admit it when you're wrong, sincerely say you're "sorry". SESSION 5 - LET'S TALK ABOUT OUR COMPASSION True-False Compassion Statements for the Husband True-False Compassion Statements for the Wife T.Q.M. COMPASSION NOTES GOD'S WORD All men shall know that you are my disciples if you love one another. John 13:35 - This must begin at home! Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:12 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.. I John 3:16 We're not talking about merely romantic love, but sacrificial love. COMPASSION REQUIRES CARE OF SELF AND SELFLESSNESS He who seeks to save his own life shall loose it. Mark 8:35 Love your neighbor as yourself. Leviticus 19:18, Mark 12:31 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4 Carry each other's burden, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Each one should carry his own load. Galatians 6: 2,5 The truth of the matter is, "well people build well marriages". Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, finding favor with God and man. Luke 2:52 - He set for us an example, developing Educationally, Physically, Spiritually, Emotionally. Husbands and wives each need to take care of themselves, for love is giving to your spouse the very best of yourself. COMPASSION PRODUCES SERVICE Mark 10:44 - he who would be greatest is the servant. Love is always manifest as a servant attitude. The Biblical idea is that of "Bond Servants", or 'Love Servants" - utilizing our energies on behalf of the one we love so that he/she may become successful. Husband "is" the leader, not "should be"; leadership is not something to be grasped for. (Phil. 2) Demanding subservience is always counter-productive. The best service is that which is born from within, out of love. Marriage gives no one the right to demand, only request. HUSBANDS ARE CALLED TO BE LEADERS OF COMPASSION Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 5:25,28 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. I Peter 3:7 PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS FOR T.Q.M. COMPASSION - "JUST DO IT" CONSIDER THESE "COUSINS OF COMPASSION" 1. Love Talk In Song of Solomon 5:10-16 are words Spoken to the husband; 7:1-9 are words spoken to the wife. Do you remember this song? You don't bring me flowers! you don't sing me love songs. You hardly talk to me anymore, when you come through the door at the end of the day. I remember when... It used to be so nat'ral to talk about forever, but used-to-be's don't count anymore. Baby, I remember, all the things you taught me: I learned how to laugh and I learned how to cry. So you'd think I could learn how to tell you goodbye, you don't bring me flowers anymore.... Well you'd think I could learn how to tell you goodbye.... You don't say you need me.... You don't sing me love songs.... You don't bring me flowers anymore. 1977 Stonebridge and Threesome Music Sung by Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand 2. Engage in needs identification and communication - assertiveness is merely letting the other know when there are needs. Wives need to be cherished, treated with kindness and faithful devotion. Husbands need to be respected and admired. 3. Practice using words of commendation often, perhaps with words such as "What I really appreciate about you is . . . . " Peter exhorts husbands to "Dwell together in knowledge" - I Peter 4. Consideration Always being aware of the other's stress, and offering help. 5. Comfort - giving strength to one another - II Corinthians 1 6. Forgiveness and Forbearance Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13 7. Practice Prayer in marriage, each saying the other's name in prayer. CONCLUSION Hebrews 13:4 - Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled. Revelation 19:9 - Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb. Matthew 6:33 - Seek first the kingdom . . . and all these things shall be added unto you. Return to Top of this Page - Email a Link to this Page Back To List of Marriage Articles Listing of All Articles Go To Next Article Download This Article This Page's Title Is: Your Name Is: Your Email Address Is: Your State and Country: Please identify your vocation: Senior Pastor. Associate Pastor. Youth Pastor. Lay Minister. Church Member. 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