Messages
from the Bible
A Sermon by Dr. Neil Chadwick
Perhaps you didn't notice, but it was interesting to me that twice in our scheduled readings this week we came across a reference to "children's children" - just in time for Fathers' Day!
In the Psalms we read, "May the LORD bless you from Zion all the days of your life; may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem, and may you live to see your children's children. Peace be upon Israel." (Psalms 128:5, 6)
This blessing may seem strange to us due to our much longer life span than was experienced 3,000 years ago - we assume that most of us will live long enough to experience the birth of our grandchildren. In fact, it's not even uncommon for people today to still be around to have the blessing of seeing their great-grandchildren!
The only other time this phrase, "children's children" is found in the Psalms is this verse, "But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children -- with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts." (Psalms 103:17, 18)
What a wonderful promise to those who fear the Lord.
As we have also been reading a verse or two each day from the Proverbs, earlier we had come across this saying, "A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children, but a sinner's wealth is stored up for the righteous." (Proverbs 13:22)
Please understand that this doesn't mean that a good man doesn't leave an inheritance for his own children, but that there is such abundance that there is enough to pass on even to one's grandchildren.
More recently, this past week, we read this verse, "Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children." (Proverbs 17:6)
The first part of this proverb is obvious, grandchildren make us feel important and honored. The second half may be more challenging, and for some, it may be hard to believe that children are proud of their parents. This is particularly true during the turbulent teen years when our youth at times seem more embarrassed than proud of their parents. However, we understand that this is just a phase that most young people soon grow out of.
Coming across these verses about "children's children" got me to wondering how many times in the Book of Proverbs reference is made to fathers and their children, and there are many.
Here's a sampling from these verses.
"Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck." (1:8, 9)
"My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in." (3:11, 12)
"Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching." (4:1, 2)
"My son, keep your father's commands and do not forsake your mother's teaching. Bind them upon your heart forever; fasten them around your neck. When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you." (6:20-22)
"A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother." (10:1)
"A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke." (13:1)
"A fool spurns his father's discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence." (15:5)
"A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish man despises his mother." (15:20)
"A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the one who bore him." (17:25)
"If a man curses his father or mother, his lamp will be snuffed out in pitch darkness." (20:20)
"Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old." (23:22)
"The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice!" (23:24, 25)
"He who keeps the law is a discerning son, but a companion of gluttons disgraces his father."(28:7)
"He who robs his father or mother and says, 'It's not wrong' -- he is partner to him who destroys." (28:24)
"A man who loves wisdom brings joy to his father, but a companion of prostitutes squanders his wealth." (29:3)
"The eye that mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley, will be eaten by the vultures." (30:17)
When we put all of this together, what we have is this simple message: according to the Bible, fathers are to be involved with the training of their children - it is clear that this is not something that can be fully delegated to the mothers of our children. In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul shows that he agrees when he writes, "Fathers . . . bring [your children] up in the training and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)
Perhaps in America today it would seem unnecessary to emphasize this because more than ever before, fathers have become involved with the care of their children. In fact, in 43 US states, as well as in Britain and Australia, first time fathers by the thousands have been attending what is called "Daddy Boot Camp," where they learn how to hold a baby, what to do when the baby cries and how to change a diaper.
Of course this is welcome news to overworked moms who are happy to have a husband who can be tender with their infant child, and who is more patient, calm and communicative with young children. And we say, "That's a good start." However, let's not think that because we are ready to participate in cuddling, feeding and cleaning our babies, we have fulfilled the role of the Christian father. We must also contribute to the training up of our children through childhood, through the turbulent years of tweens and teens, and even into adulthood.
Now if fathers are to be involved with the teaching and training of their sons and daughters, what is the curriculum? What is it they are to teach? A pretty good answer can be found right here in this Book of Proverbs.
As we do a quick aerial view of Proverbs, we notice several important subjects which must be included on the list of instructions provided by fathers.
1. Fathers teach the importance of gaining knowledge and wisdom.
We can see this emphasized many times throughout the book, for example in the opening verses of chapter 2.
"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding." (Proverbs 2:1-6)
Wise fathers teach their sons and daughters the importance of acquiring a good education, but also help them learn how to apply the knowledge earned. To say "knowledge is power" is to speak a half truth. The full truth is, "applied knowledge is power."
2. Fathers teach their children how to choose friends - refusing to hang out with those who chose to do evil.
In the very first chapter, after describing sinful men who steal and plunder in order to get gain for themselves, the father says, "My son, do not go along with them, do not set foot on their paths." (1:15) Understandably, this is a hard sell in a culture that so blatantly promotes personal freedom. The kids say, "This is a free country isn't it? I should be free to choose whoever I want to be my friends." In response, let me ask, do fathers hand over the keys to the family car before their son or daughter has learned how to drive? Choosing friends has got to be at least as important as driving a car, so shouldn't our children be trained before getting the keys?
3. Fathers teach respect toward women, urging them to stay away from the adulteress and prostitute.
On this subject, the words of the Proverbs are very clear and strong.
"The lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword." (5:3, 4)
Concerning the prostitute, the warning is given, "Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life." (6:25, 26)
Why do we say that adultery and prostitution are disrespectful toward women? Obviously, for the married man, adultery and prostitution is the ultimate disrespect of his wife, but also, when a man pays for sex, he is treating the woman as something to be used for his own gratification.
A comment by one of our late night comedians points out that it's not just Christians who champion fidelity in marriage. Citing a study that evidently claimed that women benefit from their husband's cheating in a marriage, the comic quipped, "Of course there's benefit; cheating strengthens the arm of your wife as she flings the lamp at your head."
Just prior to asking the questions, "Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?" the writer said, "May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth." (5:18, 20)
4. Fathers teach their children the proper use of the tongue.
Proverbs 4:24 says, "Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips."
Some of us remember the day when if you were heard speaking what was considered a bad word, you got your mouth washed out with soap. Fortunately for me, I had a sister who was a year older than I was - she got the mouth washing, and I learned the lesson through her painful experience. Today we may have abandoned the use of soap, but nonetheless, fathers need to be very clear as to what kind of language is acceptable, and what is not.
5. Fathers teach their children the godly attitude toward money and wealth.
This is clearly articulated in the verse, "Whoever trusts in his riches will fall." (11:29)
From the earliest years we teach our children the meaning and practice of tithing, and train them how to earn and honest wage and carefully budget the funds entrusted to them. For me, my working career began with an early morning paper route - I picked up my papers at 5:30 a.m. and had them all delivered before breakfast and school. Then at age 16, the legal working age in the state I then lived in, I began my 85 cents per hour job collecting eggs and shoveling chicken manure at a nearby chicken farm. I have never been resentful of having to learn how to work hard and save my money - 18 months at that chicken farm paid for my first year at college.
6. Fathers teach their children the importance of avoiding alcohol.
The wise father of the Proverbs warns, "Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise." (20:1)
"Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags." (23:20, 21)
Let's not be fooled into compromising here.
Just listen to this graphic language describing the one who drinks:
"Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of mixed wine. Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly! In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights and your mind imagine confusing things. You will be like one sleeping on the high seas, lying on top of the rigging. "They hit me," you will say, "but I'm not hurt! They beat me, but I don't feel it! When will I wake up so I can find another drink?" (23:29-35)
There are some parents today who think, "It's no use telling our children that alcohol is wrong, we know they're going to do it, so let's just make sure they are safe." So they provide the booze for under-age drinkers and then drive home the drunken friends of their children, and then wonder why it is that when they go off to college, all they want to do is party.
So Proverbs reminds fathers to support their children's education, guide their socializing and choice of their life's mate, teach them how to guard their tongue, manage their money and avoid harmful substances.
But also, wise fathers work hard to develop good character qualities in their children, qualities such as these, listed alphabetically:
Fairness (28:21 - "To show partiality is not good.")
Generosity (2:29 - "A generous man will himself be blessed.")
Humility (3:34 - "The Lord gives grace to the humble.")
Industriousness (10:4 - "Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth.")
Integrity (10:9 - "The man of integrity walks securely.")
Joyfulness (15:15 - "The cheerful heart has a continual feast.")
Kindness, (19:17 - "He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done.")
Love (19:22 - "What a man desires is unfailing love; better to be poor than a liar.")
Peacefulness (12:20 - "There is . . . joy for those who promote peace.")
Persistence (24:16 - "Though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again.")
And we must not neglect the most important truth of all; fathers need to be faithful to teach their children the fear of the Lord. Twenty times in Proverbs this phrase is used in verses like these:
"Better a little with the fear of the LORD than great wealth with turmoil." (15:16)
"Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life." (22:4)
During the last few minutes I have reviewed the counsel given to fathers from the Bible Book of Proverbs. Now I hope you will not think me sacrilegious or presumptuous, but if I were writing a Book of Proverbs relating to fathers and their children, there are a few things I would like to add - here's a sampling of five "Chadwick's Proverbs" I would include.
Chadwick's Proverb # 1. "The father who teaches his children to enjoy life will himself enjoy life even more."
When our children were young, a cousin of theirs was visiting for a few days, and when he was ready to leave, this young boy gave me one of my cherished compliments. He said, "I like Uncle Neil; he's a play daddy." The responsibilities and burdens of life should never be allowed to snuff out the joy that we can share with our children.
Chadwick's Proverb # 2. "To be good at what you do results in a moment of pride; to pass on that skill to your children results in lasting satisfaction."
Each of our four children has the memory of sitting on the piano bench with their father as I tried to teach them to play the piano. Only one of them has turned that training into a ministry career, but all of them, in various degrees, have utilized what little music ability I could share with them - much to my deep satisfaction.
Chadwick's Proverb # 3. "When a father demonstrates love for the mother of his child, his child's love for both parents will increase manyfold."
One of the great tragedies of divorce is that it too often results in fathers speaking disparagingly of their former wives, which in turn makes it difficult for a young man to ever develop a lasting relationship with women as he matures into adulthood.
Chadwick's Proverb # 4. "For a father to hug his child is to make life worth living for both father and child."
Many years ago, Josh McDowell, prominent Christian youth leader and apologist, gave a talk to a group of nearly a thousand high schoolers in an assembly convened on the lawn outside their Phoenix, Arizona school. The talk was about how so many teenagers trade sex in their search for true love and intimacy. Soon after he started his talk, a group of punkers walked up to join the group, outstanding with their died hair standing up and out in all directions. Just as McDowell finished his 22 minute talk, the leader of the group, a burly young kid with gold chains around his neck ran up to McDowell, tears running down his cheeks and blurting out the question, "Mr. McDowell, would you give me a hug?" He then threw his arms around Josh and held him in a bear hug embrace for nearly a full minute. When he released his grip, the young man stepped back and said, "Mr. McDowell, my father has never once ever hugged me or told me he loved me."
I trust that will never be able to be said of any fathers here today.
Chadwick's Proverb # 5. "A father reading to his child educates the child; a father reading his child educates the father."
This thought reminds me of one other verse from the authentic Book of Proverbs, one that takes us back to the first idea, that fathers are responsible for the training of their children.
"Train a child in the way he should go: and when he is old he will not turn from it." (22:6)
Unfortunately, too many people have limited the interpretation of this verse to refer only to religious education. Of course early religious training stays with a child for life, but we want to see this as much larger than just the practice of particular religious rituals. What is the "way he should go"? Obviously, it has to do with moral instruction, ensuring that our children know what is right and wrong, and helping them form habits of doing what is right.
Adam Clark explains that it means to "Show him the duties, the dangers, and the blessings of the path; give him directions how to perform the duties, how to escape the dangers, and how to secure the blessings, which all lie before him."
However, it should be pointed out that the words "in the way he should go" really should read, "according to his way” - one study Bible explains that the expression means "according to his way, i.e., the child's habits and interests. The instruction must take into account his individuality and inclinations, and in keeping with his physical and mental development." (Ryrie Study Bible)
The summary word then is - fathers, get to know your children. Don't know them for who you want them to be, but for who they really are. Know their individual traits, their character strengths and flaws, their aspirations and disappointments, their interests and talents.
We close with the most commonly known of the Proverbs related to the training of a child by his or her father.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
"Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.
"Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.
"My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in." (3:5-12)
1. Why did the Psalmist consider it to be a special blessing for one to see their grandchildren?
2. If this proverbial statement, "parents are the pride of their children," seems not to apply today, why not?
3. According to the teaching of the bible, who is responsible for the training of children?
4. Why is it important for fathers to be personally involved with the care of their infant children?
5. What are some of the main themes within the Book of Proverbs which make up the curriculum for fathers who want to be the teachers of their children?
6. How can fathers encourage the growth of knowledge and wisdom in their children?
7. What can fathers do to help protect their children from the unwanted influence of the wrong kinds of friends?
8. Christians, along with most people in the American society at large condemn prostitution. Why?
9. What kinds of speech are inappropriate and unacceptable?
10. Why is it so important that fathers teach their children how to handle their money?
11. Does the Biblical statement, "take a little wine for the stomach" mean that abstinence from alcoholic beverages is not necessary?
12. What are some of the character qualities that fathers should seek to develop in their children as they grow up?
13. What does it mean to "fear the Lord"?
14. What are some things a father can do to get to know each of his children's unique personalities, characterizes, and interests?
Proverbs for Fathers
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Contentment (19:23 - "The fear of the LORD leads to life: Then one rests content.")
"He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge." (14:26)
Proverbs for Fathers
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